marvelousmanga

Well, I don't know what's going on with one of my best friends, but she's cut off contact with me out of nowhere.  
I have no idea what the hell is up with her, but the last time I talked to her was Saturday at AX.  And then I got really worried because of some things we were discussing a while back.  I called her on Sunday to find out what was going on, but she didn't answer and she never called me back.  Plus that Saturday she dropped off the collar I bought her, she called me to tell me she left something for me outside the room, so I got it, and I didn't realize it was in there ('cause Metalocalypse was too).  And then I was like, 'Okay, whatever, she's mad at me for something or another, I'll let her blow off some steam and call her tomorrow.'  

But she didn't sound angry on the phone.  She sounded sad.

Of course I didn't really connect those pieces until later.  It was late, I was sick, tired, and kinda pissed off from exhaustion.  I didn't want to call her back right then and be like 'WTFMANWHATTHEHELL?!'  And say something I'd regret, so I waited until the next day.  

So after not hearing from her (and since we were all kinda pissy from exhaustion) I was just like 'Screw it, I'll let her call me when she wants, I don't feel like dealing with it right now.'  

But then I started getting really worried because we were having a really really serious conversation a while ago, so I kinda started to freak a little and couldn't relax.  She's my friend, I don't want anything to happen to her.  

But then I got on meebo and saw her screenname online.  So, she's apparently fine.  She just doesn't want to hear from me anymore I guess.  I'm going to call her on her birthday tomorrow, she probably won't answer the phone again, so I'll just tell her happy birthday and let her know I won't hunt her down this time.  It's happened before, we've been through this in the past, but not quite this...well...dramatic I guess?  

But apparently I don't help.  

So I'm not going to try.  I'm going to leave her alone this time.  I'll let her have her peace.  My persistance isn't worth anything anymore anyway.  It's only painful for her.  Because I only see her as a friend, no matter how good or close of a friend that may be.  And that's not good enough.  That's what I'm getting from all of this, anyway.  

I always thought something like this would happen.  But I never wanted it to.  So, for some reason, if you read this, and you know who you are, if this offends you, sorry.  But I'm kind of offended too.  I've tried to be as good of a friend as I could.  I know we have our differences, and we've always gotten past them.  And I'm sorry I can't be the kind of person you want me to be.  But you knew who I was before you felt that way towards me...and I warned you guys...I told you I would never change who I was.  I like who I am.  And I'm going to stay that way.  I'm sorry you get offended or sad that I can't spend all of my time with you, but I can't spend all of my time with just one person, and I can't abandon the people I'm already with when a situation like that appears.  At least, not for long.  I'm sorry.  It's just the way I am.  

If you still want to be friends, I'd be more than happy to oblige.  I just hope whatever you choose makes you happy, because I'm going to leave it up to you this time.  I won't bother you anymore.

Sorry.